Text A Rewritten:
Today Steven and I went for a walk, we were accompanied by a friend who I call ‘Nat’. After the walk we retired to my house and spent the rest of the day together. When it was time for him to leave, I joined him on the walk to the bus stop. We kissed, but I was indifferent, this troubled me because Steven is a lovely person, but one cannot force love. I knew he’d understand if I simply explained myself, therefore I did and just as I thought, he didn’t blame me at all. In fact we decided the best thing to do was to spend more time together. We chose to meet again on Saturday; he was to join me on a trip to the pictures.
On another note, I got my results back from the French exam I sat earlier on in the year. I was proud of them as I had gotten 31 marks out of 32 – almost the perfect score.
My mood was dampened, however, when I found out that Claire wasn’t feeling her best during English class. I dearly wish that I could help cheer her up, but I think we both know that my attempts would be futile, considering the only person that would be able to remedy the situation is Tony.
Register Analysis:
To turn Text A into a formal text I replaced any of the phonetic spelling and removed any homophonic spelling, for example correcting ‘2’ into ‘to’. I have used more complex sentence structure, varying them from complex to compound, instead of just using simple sentences. In the original Text A there is hardly any punctuation other than the full stop and capital letter – and even then they are misused or barely used. Therefore when rewriting I have added more punctuation including commas and semi colons. I have also split the different topic into paragraphs, as the original text jumps between events and feelings. These things turn the text into standard English. I have used more advanced words to replace simple language; ‘with a friend’ has been changed to ‘accompanied by a friend’, these make the author sound more sophisticated. ‘Pictures’ is used instead of ‘the cinema’ as cinema is a very modern word, but previously the slang for what is now called the cinema was ‘moving pictures’ therefore using pictures gives the connotations of an older time. Using the word ‘one’ also gives an old-fashioned aura to the writing, because the teenagers of today don’t refer to themselves as ‘one’, but previously it was the expected grammar, so again makes the text more effective.
I think the text is still effective as an account of an event, byt not necessarily aimed at teenagers of today.
Text C Rewritten:
DARLENE: Hello?
TROY: Good greetings, my dear. It’ is I; Troy.
DARLENE: I’m sorry, was it Troy you pronounced yourself as?
TROY: Yes, it is I; Troy.
DARLENE: Good golly, the baby is mewling incessantly.
TROY: She has ever such a loud cry, I can hear her.
DARLENE: Krystal is always crying as it seems.
TROY: How is the little darling?
DARLENE: T’was a terrible night; her nights have been extremely disturbed, ever since I had to return to the work place I have been ever so tired, darling.
TROY: I dearly wish I could assist you, darling.
DARLENE: Oh, Troy, dear, when will you be returning home.
TROY: I shall be returning home by the morrow.
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